name here

this big time

2009-09-17T00:59:21Z

i'm on a pilgrimage. a vision quest. i'm going traveling across this vast land, the USA, which i've never been in the middle of, and i'm basically farm-hopping, and friends-house-hopping, too. i want to learn about organic and biodynamic farming so that i can do it myself. i want to learn so much things. anyway. i usually use the internet on my phone and i barely have the time anyway. i started a blogspot blog. i know. weird as i've been using livejournal under various pseudonyms for 9 years. anyway. its easier this way for now. so if you'd like to read about my adventures, which have JUST begun! direct your pupils and irises a-this way.

big sky dandelion

much love <3

Test subject

2009-09-03T14:48:33Z

Test body small line

intuitintoit @ 2009-08-22T20:33:00

2009-08-23T00:33:42Z

i may or may not be more confused than i've ever been.

intuitintoit @ 2009-06-28T19:23:00

2009-06-29T02:50:16Z

air plant

-

since i learned to say goodbye
its easier every time
how can people stay put on a spinning planet?

sometimes stars explode
sometimes cars collide
every reverberation calls me back to life

maps and markers and pockets of change
saints prayers in my mind
i'm taking you with me this time.

pocket knives and cover songs
i'll share mine if you share yours
starry nights and wild hearts in stride

this new day and those to follow

2009-05-31T04:08:25Z

my body smells of all manner of wild things
the grace of the season has blessed me
as the moon fills nightly,
so fills my head with thoughts of returning
my city, showing the first signs of wear
away, i wish on waiting dandelions
scattering fluffy thoughts of turning a new leaf
i wish into the wind
on the shores of my island
and in the hills of my upstate sanctuary
and in the cut grass lawn, between the wild places where i was a child
and in those manicured meridians, my grandmother's border gardens
seeds of silent smiling wishes

my blessings are too abundant to grasp
in the recent days i've cast my loving glance so many ways
on my elders as they pour over their own unfolding generational bliss
my bloodlines weave lace-like and our different noses compliment our different rosy cheeks
awash in the linen of family, dancing over these delightful waves
toasting to marriage, to a new young one in the tribe,
to new journeys my kin partake in presently
another baby on the way
endeavors being lightly, lovingly, begun
so many eyes with which to see the world
so many phases and flavors and wild ways to be

the fire in me is a roaring one, the center to songs in the night
my stars connect limitlessly, a flurry of constellations and their stories
my currency an ocean, an anthem my song
i've lost my shoes and been dressed in hand-me-down skins
i'll come dancing back in to my chosen home
tomorrow
i'll come dancing back in with these stars on my shoulders
hard to see from my room in the city, but newly illuminated

the wind stirs my prayers
by the time i return, the seeds i've scattered will have begun their secret lives
those wishes, all over this trampled land
beginning to root, to manifest
becoming

and i'll be dancing back in to my established life
singing praise for all the fine things there
and with newly washed eyes for the new findings there

all the love bouncing
directing my course and
carrying out its own song and
may the dandelions all grow strong

intuitintoit @ 2009-05-22T01:29:00

2009-05-22T05:54:18Z

the girl with the champagne grows vegetables and sings

heirloom tomatoes and old spirituals

the sober carpenter sways and doesn't take her hand

she walks away without saying goodbye, resigned

let him, let him, let him please please make the moves

but he is too clear to risk and she is quick to dismiss

but in the light of day
trying hard to shine the love light through watery eyes and
slowly breaking down the dusty door to her heart
hand in hand
goodbyes

right things

2009-05-06T17:00:41Z

if he could see me in this moment
pining away
naked except an old silk robe
open, flowering
fumbling on milky memories

never, never, have i ever
met someone and known
the way his eyes saw me
that night
and we barely spoke but there was a tangible good feeling
we both had
toward the other
as if niether could believe we hadn't met before

stories without words swirl endlessly about my life
up around and down through the ether
twisting and vining, a smoky antique filigree
lacing me with these lavish reveries
i would prefer a true vine
green leaves and blooms to smell and see
and
archways of wrought iron cascades
golden
with candles, all aflame

my heart has not been silent all these solitary years
my love for life has kept it beating, strong, loud.
but there are secret chambers there, where its been dark for far too long and now,
i'm offering a key
and a prayer,
may he come in and clear the dust
and shine some light there
may he come in to my wild heart and dance and sing for me

<3

nature boy

2009-05-01T20:29:41Z

floating things-

biodynamic farming
france
wwoofing
urban farms
bow wow wow
jungle love
accordion
bluegrass
fairytales
puppet show
if you want to sing out sing out
the womenfolk
little boxes made of ticky tacky
heirlooms
air signs
babies
bonfires
the hand-milled kaleidescope of all possibilities
engelbert humperdink
dehydrated kiwi
less work, more money + free time
farmer's market!
seed exchange
french
shelves
victorian architecture
sea green eyes
secret love
6 years of celibacy
theosophical society
filigree
castles
sunshowers
kombucha
valpurgisnacht

intuitintoit @ 2009-04-14T21:30:00

2009-04-15T01:40:59Z

so much of everything
i ask ask and it comes pouring in like buckets of rain
the haunting melodies cushion me
these slightly agitated harmonies blanket my body
i don't remember what it was like before
when i was numb, when the pain was so intense i turned my feelings off
the depth of my experience now is something unfathomable to who i was before.
and
my dirty hands make elegance of waste
turning trash to treasure and exposing treasured trash
clearing space to work
building from no plans, no pencil marks
just the need to create these dreams to feel

my voice is getting smarter, the more i use it
the words, the inflections, my voice sounds so strong now
the beautiful clash, the smooth precision of intuitive action
love for life, so light and so heavy at the same time
i am so sure that this winding, uneven and unmarked path is perfect for my unique bare feet
my song is getting clearer and so much easier to play and sing
so, so long, sorry old self.
so glad to be living alive.

rapid cycling

2009-03-25T02:28:50Z

i'm in a state of questioning

like, why am i not doing more?
and who am i doing all of this for?
and where will i go when it all comes undone
and what was i thinking and why and why and why

where is the fountain of inspiration?
how do i keep fueling my motivation?
how will i build and what will i build on
where will i keep it and how will it grow and grow and grow

how do i regain control? oh
and where did my old talents go?
and what were those things i was dying to know?
when will i find the solid rock bottom and sing loud loud loud

is there actually something out there to find?
will i ever hold tight to my concept of life?
do the dreams about flying ever take me up higher
or do i just hover down low down down down low

will i ever feel stable?
why do i get so crazy?
will i ever move forward? am i always moving forward?
is there anyone who could possibly know?

does anyone ever feel grown?
is it all a big game of pretending with passion
of going along with the crowd and the flow
where is the control?

do i have to pretend just to stay or can i close my eyes
can i be still and still be ok?
can i ever stay still and still be ok?
can i ever just stay? stay stay stay

see sure

2009-03-25T02:03:23Z

i dont know why sometimes all the beautiful things feel so hopeless suddenly
the mix of meaning and happiness and futility scare me
firecrackers sparkle and sing me closer to all my dreams and then fizzle into my deep dark places
a quiet mirror
my dry lips
my dry dreams
my ridiculous ocean
i don't even notice my own voice is singing
i dont know where this ship is sailing
wind, oh, merciful wind of change, direct my course, give me more
and, insides, hold tight. be steady. go forth.

intuitintoit @ 2009-03-21T21:41:00

2009-03-21T04:42:07Z

i write, sing, rhyme, paint, plant, cook, dance, love, capture, inspire, create. i grow, color, print, advise, question, decide, attend. i participate, engage, smile, befriend, qualify, remember, reply. i wish, hope, dream, desire, conspire, confuse, know, will, bring, materialize. i breathe, manipulate, express, alter, exist, vibrate, live.

victory

2009-03-21T04:22:15Z

victory, originally uploaded by jacquelinerepairman.

wake up

go to sleep

2009-03-21T04:18:07Z

exquisitesisters 062, originally uploaded by jacquelinerepairman.

notes

2009-02-21T04:42:23Z

i want to wear the skin of this city
i want to wear it out
soft edges conform to my body
like it belongs to me now

black flowers dead in the ground
bright lights stop criminals

i want everything to stop
i want to put it all on pause
until i get enough sleep
and until i'm all cried out

dancing under the sky
on tuesdays eye to eye

pocket

2009-02-08T01:34:45Z

jacqueline daffodil
you sit so still at the window sill
watching down below as the cars and the people go
jacqueline daffodil
you are so bright in the yellow light
face pressed to the glass and you pass in into the sky

and there's pain
and there's doubt
and there's light
all around
you
oh
you

jacqueline daffodil
the answers never change
you haven't checked the mail or the entertainment page
jacqueline daffodil
writes a song and hums along
fists and eyebrows clenched and the night gets longer

and there's passion
and a memory
and a nightmare
there inside
you
oh
you

also

2009-01-18T22:39:43Z

tonsils, originally uploaded by jacquelinerepairman.

the free expression of inmost bubbling desires
outpouring of century-old repression
our violent optimism
dreaming into wakefulness
our natural rebellions against social convention
the loving cushion of unconditional expectancy
tongue tied looping versions of the same things
this cloud and that cloud, rain clouds and thunder clouds
beams of electric light
absolute freedom and no binds
believe believe
so much living to do

arete

2009-01-18T22:17:10Z

highest potential, originally uploaded by jacquelinerepairman.

remember flowers? remember sunshine? tan lines... sandy hair, abundant freckles, garden-grown edibles.... nights outside, cricket hum, pleasant sleep, open skies... remember what its like when its warm outside? tiny tiny flickering summer pieces of me are still alive inside

intuitintoit @ 2009-01-08T19:13:00

2009-01-09T03:16:39Z

also---!!! theres a mouse in my house!!! it just scurried out towards my roommate's drum set, then back behind her bedroom door...

i had a vague notion that our being on the third (top) floor of this building would keep rodents and roaches at bay. and we clean! we keep cleaning! in vain?! what is it all for?!!??!

i am not ready for a domestic role as mouse-banisher.

it was relatively cute... and, i kinda like mice. i even had a pet one once. but! intruder! and! well.... now what?....

intuitintoit @ 2009-01-08T19:06:00

2009-01-09T03:06:57Z

there are so many beautiful things, and i am easily distracted.

i guess this must be the place

2009-01-06T04:59:17Z

i have too many words, i just cannot open the floodgates right now. but i want to. i'd just rather get some rest.

l . o .v e. all around

intuitintoit @ 2008-12-18T13:15:00

2008-12-18T21:18:55Z

if i could find the first poem i ever wrote
i would probably throw it away
i would not keep it in a box to look at on some distant day

they think i'm confident.

2008-12-07T02:46:35Z

the snow is heavy on my chest
there are files of memories there
plans not followed through
when do i get to let them go?

i am here now
a star on a map without a key
possibilities come like snowflakes on the wind
swirling around the light and then gone

those dark eyes could eat me alive
and so i drown my heart in whiskey and pools of melting snow
and dance so i don't have to look
dance close as i can to the open fire

my heart an oozing mess of half-legible to-do lists
so few items crossed off
i walk home with my body still throbbing from the bass line
and sleep naked without washing my face
with the curtains closed to the falling snow

love + peace

2008-11-05T23:57:28Z

weeeens

2008-11-03T22:32:02Z

weeeens, originally uploaded by jacquelinerepairman.

still dreaming of ghosts